Shall come back to haunt her when her children become adolescents with minds of their own, and attitudes on top of it.
I cannot believe Brandon is 13...I remember being 13, and let me tell you, I was not the most pleasant person to have around...just ask my dad and grandma. Surly, disrespectful, non-commital, not careful...
A few days ago, while putting dinner on the table, I called the kids to wash up. Brandon brought his taller-than-me self in, and slouched into a chair. Because I believe everyone has to contribute, I told him "What do I look like, the maid? Get up and get your own plate." He did, slamming everything he could in the meantime. "Relax," I said, "and lose that attitude. Do you guys have such attitude problems at Dad's house, or is it just when you're at home?" Imagine my shock, and hurt, when they both responded "Just here Mom." Seriously?? I'm a sucker for punishment, especially when it comes to emotional issues, so of course I pressed for an explanation. Mistake. Answers included "I don't know," "Because," and the like. One that came from Brandon related to how strict I am, which I fully admit to being. For a reason. I was a 13 year old in San Francisco, and I know the extent of trouble a kid can get into.
Anyway, the discussion went on, mutating into an argument, and I made mistake #2--I told Brandon he was going to spend some serious time at his dad's, so he could realize how great he has it at home. Never pass down rulings when you're pissed. More flip remarks from him, then my telling him to go pack a bag for the week. More slamming from him. Then my little breakdown at the table, quiet though, and Mariah comforting me and getting upset herself. Terrible mother.
So what do I do now, let him separate, or pull him closer, neither of which I see being helpful, and both with the likelihood of causing more pain and anger? Do I let him have more autonomy, knowing he needs to develop, but also knowing there are some serious freaks out there that would willingly hurt my baby? Or rule by force, and lock him down more? Both options stink, and I don't know who thought up this whole parenting thing. I do know that I wouldn't give it up for the world, but it may well kill me in the long run. Where's the manual??? I didn't exactly sign up for this gig, and the costs are much higher than I thought they would be. The rewards are amazing, it just feels like it will be a long time before I see another one of those...
Adolescence stinks for both the pubescent child and parent. So not looking forward to it. Sorry I have no advice to give but a little space/time away never hurts.
ReplyDeleteIt worked! I hated every minute of it, and was scared to death he'd turn around and run away from his dad's, but after 4 nights he was crying to come home...thanks for commiserating :-)
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